Better to remain silent and be thought a fool…

(First published 11/11/2012)

… Than to speak out and remove all doubt – Abraham Lincoln.

Is that really the case?

I had a tutorial yesterday and, having really low self confidence in my abilities, I always feel like I shouldn’t be there or should be sitting in the corner wearing a hat marked with the letter D. That in itself is really stupid but I can’t help the way I feel, it’s what I’ve been lead to believe in the past but God knows I’m trying to change that with the help of people who love and care about me.

Anyway the first part of the tutorial was a debate, moral traditionalism V moral rationalism. I felt seriously out my my depth there and stayed quiet, smiling and nodding which I think was at least better than switching sides halfway through like two of my “team-mates” did.

The second part of the tutorial was poetry, I’m not great poetry critic but I can at least say what I think about it and contribute one or two intelligent thoughts about it. We were discussing a particular poem and the tutor wrote a line on the board and asked us to look at it and if we noticed anything about it. Lots of suggestions about it but I still stayed quiet but not without thinking about it. My mind was actually going ten to the dozen, you see I’d stumbled upon something in the line but I was arguing with myself as to whether or not I should say anything.

For about 5 minutes, it seems, I was silently wrestling with myself. I really wanted to say what I’d spotted but fear of appearing a fool stopped me. Finally someone else spoke up, said exactly what I had seen and got it spot on! Damn I feel stupid for not saying anything when I had the chance!!

I can’t win! Feeling stupid for saying something and stupid for not! Talking to my other half last night about it and even he said I should have said something when I had the chance. I guess I do have more smarts than I give myself credit for. So next time, however stupid I think an observation is, I’m going to say something!

Better to talk even if you think you’re way off the mark than to keep quiet and think “What if?…”